Its been two years since I’ve even bothered with this page. Its so interesting to look back and read my thoughts then. It makes me appriciate everything I and my family have done for me since those times. In two years I crashed harder then I ever have, then done better than I ever imagined myself to do. Now I find myself here, in my own apartment, having grown so much but still so excited to experience more. I’ve found happiness in setting goals for myself, excitement in each step I take towards them. I start classes today. This time it will be all on me to do what needs to be done. But you see, my situations are so different now. Much more positive, relaxed, and individualy influenced. I finally have a home I WANT to come back to, the bestdoggyfriend I could ever ask for, and a comunity I don’t nessacrily ‘fit into’ but they accept me for all that I am. Since I moved to this small town I havent been visited by my bad mind, I’ve had bad days but thats life. I have nothing to complain about — sure I have life stresses but I wont let them eat at my consious because they are all part of working towards a bigger picture. I’ve learned to relax, stresses will come in life thats just a given. If you let them sit in your mind you are allowing them to influence you, allowing them to dampen your potential to do your best in solving them. Take them out, lay them on the table, take a deep breath, and realize no matter what something will have to be done about them. The most difficult step is the first, once thats over with each foot will flow swifter then the last. Treat your self as much as possible, little things are important. Give time for yourself to listen to your thoughts, understand them but don’t be frightened by them. They are in your control - it takes less effort to allow your mind to wonder, to obsess, to worry; then it does to make sense while you convert them into positive vibrations. Its really just opening up comunication with yourself. I guess thats never really stressed as important - I mean we are all in our own heads so we comunicate with ourselves all day long, right? Wrong. Personal communication is the most important comunication in life. Sadly so many people lack it. Do you ask yourself how your day was and suggest how you will make it better tomorrow? Or do you complain about it within your thoughts and find pitty for yourself? Do you take note of the joys you get out of life, the things that make you feel whole? Or do you just continue your same grey footsteps and occaisionally long and lust for persuing them? Even something simple as painting or gathering flowers is exploroing a peice of yourself. These peices construct a new understanding each time they are placed together . Whether its positive or negative its knowledge and experience - its comunication.
There is so much more I have collected with my new experiences but I can save those for a later day. If you want something in life you have to fucking work for it - plain and simple. Don’t get discouraged when your efforts arent being rewarded quickly. It takes time and patience because without those you can’t appricaite the struggle you endured on your climb to the top. Whatever the ‘top’ may be, buying a car, completeing school, traveling to different places - set a bar for each and every one of them. Smile while you move forward in your journey and furfill your goal and don’t forget to surround yourself with beauty. Life is beautiful, you just have to allow it to shine through.
I also havent written anything since the last time I posted on this, so my writings a bit rusty. I’m going to try to write here more often, it helps me organize and understand my thoughts which is very important to me and is something I’ve needed to do for a while. I don’t have spell check and I really can’t spell but you get the picture.